I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
