I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
