You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
