It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
