: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
