If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
