is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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