Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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