good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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