too bad you live with your parents still
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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