If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
