..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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