im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
