My first STD was from a foam party
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
