I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
