the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
