seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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