i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
