The maid of honor just puked.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
