I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
