You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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