Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
