You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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