I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
