dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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