There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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