i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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