my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
