Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I party with great urgency now.
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