I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
