I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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