I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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