I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
