I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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