My liver just broke up with me...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
