Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
