I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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