Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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