Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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