Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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