Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
