I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
