Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
