She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
