i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
