I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
