Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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