I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
