I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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