I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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