strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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