so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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