So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
