Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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