So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
