her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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